


on a stormy sea of moving emotion

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Fix-It, M/M, Post-Canon Fix-It, idk what to tag this what tags does the spn fandom use, title is from carry on my wayward son because that's an spn thing right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:09:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27643934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Dean misses Cas.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 1
Kudos: 38





	on a stormy sea of moving emotion

**Author's Note:**

> i've never watched supernatural in my life other than the one minute clip of cas confessing to dean. but i heard about the finale and was struck with the urge to write this
> 
> so yeah i'm sure it's very out of character and might not quite make sense because all i know abt spn is a vague summary of the last couple episodes, i had to bs my way through this! hope you enjoy!

In all honesty, Dean wasn’t thinking clearly when he went after those vampires.

He knew he should’ve been. He knew how dangerous they could be, but for some reason he didn’t really care anymore.

_For some reason_. The reason was that stupid angel. He was always the reason, wasn’t he?

Well. It was too late for what Dean had hoped for him & Cas. So all that was left to do was die.

Heaven was okay. Bobby told him that Cas helped fix it all up for him. What the hell did that even mean? He “fixed it up” but couldn’t come here? Cas was the bravest angel, no, _person_ , that Dean had ever met, and maybe he was a little biased, but couldn’t someone else see how good Cas was? The last thing he deserved was to be rotting away in the Empty.

So Dean spent a while in heaven. Driving around in his car. Passing the time as well as he could. Wasn’t the whole point of heaven to reward you for being a good person? Dean didn’t feel rewarded, and he sure as hell didn’t feel like a good person.

He didn’t even tell Cas. He didn’t fucking tell him; Cas basically _died_ and he thought Dean didn’t even care. 

Whenever Cas’s name was mentioned, Dean tried as hard as he could not to show any emotion. Because if he did, he didn’t know if he could stop. And none of his friends needed to know the full extent of what he was feeling.

And then he couldn’t take it anymore. He and Sam were driving around in the Impala. He was barely processing the conversation as it happened, but at some point, Sam offhandedly mentioned Cas, and Dean simply couldn’t take it. He put the car in park and buried his head in his hands and probably yelled at Sam, he doesn’t really remember, all he knows is that he kind of lost it.

After a few seconds, Sam put a tentative hand on his back. “You alright?”

Dean just looked at him.

“Yeah, no. Um. This is about Cas, right?”

Dean nodded, too tired to come up with any sort of retort.

“Do you think it would be better if you...saw him again?”

“No shit it would be better if I saw him again. Wait, you say that like it’s possible.”

Sam avoided his eyes. “Well…”

“Sam. What the hell are you not telling me?”

“Jack’s been working on something.”

“And by something, you mean…”

“He may be able to bring Cas back.”

Dean stared at him for a couple seconds, then laughed drily. “No. No way. Jack may be God now or whatever, but if he could do that, he would’ve done it a long time ago.”

“We’ve been trying to! But I think it’ll work this time.”

“You’ve been trying to. You as in you and Jack. Have had a plan to bring Cas back and you didn’t think to _tell me this_?”

“We weren’t sure if we should tell you.”

“Why the hell not?!”

“We didn’t want to get your hopes up! Come on, I didn’t know it was affecting you _this_ much, but I knew it had to at least be a little hard.”

“A little hard. You try watching the love of your life get sent to the place beyond hell and see how _hard_ that is for you.”

Sam looked at him. “Dean?”

Oh shit. He had said it out loud. “Yeah...yeah. I love him. I think.”

“ _I_ know that. I just didn’t know _you_ did.”

Dean lets out a short laugh at that. “Took me a while, I guess. So when is he going to come back?”

_Three Days Later_

Sam gives Dean a tight squeeze on the shoulder. “Are you ready?”

Dean nods. He’d been ready since the second Cas had left him.

And suddenly Cas appears the same way he left but in reverse. The darkness spits him out and he’s standing in front of Dean like he did that day, the day that he disappeared. The day that he, well, confessed his love.

For a second, Dean forgets everything that’s happened. It feels like they’re back in that moment, and he’s once again speechless.

“Dean.”

“...Cas.”

They look at each other and then Dean is hugging him as tightly as he can. “I missed you so much,” he says roughly.

Cas is crying, he thinks: he can’t really see his face but it sounds like it. “I missed you too.”

He steps back and looks at him, takes him in. It’s weird to see him after all this time; he’s not quite the same way that he’d remembered.

But he’s there. He exists and he exists _with Dean_ and that’s all that matters.

Dean realizes that there’s no one else around them. Sam must’ve slipped away to give them some privacy, even though he deserves to reunite with Cas too.

But he can do that later. Right now is for them. And Dean remembers what he had been planning to say.

“Remember what you said? Before you went to the Empty?”

Cas’s eyes go wide. “Oh. I was hoping we could...forget about that.”

Dean shakes his head. “I don’t want to forget about it. Never. You meant it, right?”

Cas nods slowly, disbelievingly. “I meant it.”

“I mean it too. I love you. I think I have since...I don’t know, always.”

And they kiss, and it’s not really how Dean had imagined it, but somehow it’s better.

“Don’t leave me again.”

“I won’t.”

“I mean it. You better not.”

Cas takes his hand and looks in his eyes. “Dean. I _won’t_."

And Dean realizes he believes him.

**Author's Note:**

> i think what spn did is very funny but i know if i actually cared about it i would be so mad so i am sorry spn fans you guys deserved better


End file.
